Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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