some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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