dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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