thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
