on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
