It's like God shit irony all over that family
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
