Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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