Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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