I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
