I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
