it hurts more in the daytime
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
