so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
