i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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