my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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