Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
