is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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