you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
