he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize