now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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