I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
