dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
