I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
