Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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