Cold hands, warm shart.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
