i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
