ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
