Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
