you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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