Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
BRING THE BAGELS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
