**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
