Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
