dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
