I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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