The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
