Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
