Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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