Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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