I got chris browned last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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