Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
40s are totally the cure
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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