I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize