That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
