A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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