Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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