Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
