The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
