K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
