I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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