Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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