take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
