So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize