She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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