my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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