well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
