who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
