but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize