Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
