oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
