chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
