Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
