Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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