ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
