Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
