Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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