you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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