Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I swear she didn't look like that last week.

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(602): View more from Arizona

no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.

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(503): View more from Oregon

like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

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(313): View more from Michigan

The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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(801): View more from Utah

I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...

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(585): View more from New York

He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.

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(417): View more from Missouri

We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird

(573): View more from Missouri

He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid

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