Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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