The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
