What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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