I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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