You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
